A Relentless Pursuit

Every Friday night from 10pm to 2 in the morning during the summer, my church does what we call "Flippin' Fridays". We set up our BBQ outside an old mall/business centre and give out hundreds of hamburgers and hotdogs to all kinds of people for free. Why? We love our city and want to bless the people in our city. We want to meet the felt needs (e.g. hunger, value, honor, etc.) of people. We believe (and have seen) that the kindness of God leads people to repentance. 

I enjoy serving at these nights. For a long time I felt very awkward and out of place - these BBQ's were definitely out of my comfort zone. A few weeks ago, though, I began to have some very meaningful conversations with people. Yes, inevitably, there have been encounters with some extremely intoxicated men who stand uncomfortably too close to you and literally talk in your face, but I have also had some incredible exchanges with people who just needed someone to talk to. Just last week, I was able to pray with my friend for this lady who had extremely bad back pain. The pain didn't go away immediately but we later learned that all the pain had left the next morning. So cool! So now I willingly embrace the awkward and am open to whatever may happen, whether it be silly or deep conversation, praying for people, goofing around, or being part of seeing lives be transformed. Tonight it was the latter. This is a story of redemption. This is a story of an ordinary person getting to be part of the bigger "God picture" of someone's life. This is a story of the relentless, pursuing love of God. 

A couple in their mid-20s walked up to the BBQ and the guy asked if there were any vegan options as he said that his girlfriend was vegan. I told him we actually did have a package of veggie dogs in the freezer (thank You Jesus for that random package of slightly expired veggie dogs we had sitting around in there). The girl, Liz, was delighted and offered to make a donation for her special BBQ request. When I told her we didn't take donations, she said the least she could do was go down with me to get them. I happily agreed to that, unaware of what was about to follow. She seemed very interested in what we were doing, and started asking me questions. We quickly got into questions about God, and then she started telling me her God story. She shared that she had asked Jesus into her heart, had been to church and Sunday School as a little girl but when some difficulties with her father came up, and when her mom turned away from God, she felt abandoned by God and also turned away. She kept saying, "I love Jesus, I really do!" and said that she used to talk to God and go into her closet and pray, but that she hadn't felt Him for many years. She was so genuine about it and I could see in her eyes that she still loved Jesus a lot. I told her that God had never given up on her and that He had never abandoned her. "In fact," I said, "God is still pursuing you! The amazing thing is that even when we turn and run away from Him, He still comes chasing after us. He doesn't stop pursuing us." I asked her if she wanted to pray and give her heart back to Him. She eagerly accepted and grabbed my hands. It was so awesome - as I was praying, she would interject with her own prayers. She said she felt bad for giving up on God when, all the while, He had never given up on her. I shared the wonderful news about the forgiveness of God. God was moving deeply in her heart; she was bawling, and I was close to it, too. I could sense that God was coming and filling her up, tangibly, just as I had prayed. I asked her if she had ever been filled with the Holy Spirit. She said she was feeling it now. I prayed for Holy Spirit to come and fill her more, and to come with peace and joy. The funny thing is, when I started praying this, I began to be filled with the Holy Spirit too, ha. She was feeling it. She kept saying, "This is so beautiful!" and "I can feel Him!"

I declared that this was going to be an unforgettable day; a turning point in her life; the day where she came back to God. She agreed, and said she thought it would be significant for both of us. I have never experienced such a divine encounter with a person who was so hungry and just ready to make a decision like that, so, yes, I knew this was going to be hugely significant for me, as well. I was also getting rocked by the Holy Spirit. I felt filled with so much joy and, between laughs, told her that God was dancing over her. She knew and could feel it too. She expressed over and over again that she felt such a connection to me. As she was spilling out her heart to me earlier, she shared that she had been feeling alone and disconnected for a long time. I told her that this walk wasn't meant to be done alone and that we need each other to lift us up when we are feeling down and to remind us of the truth when we forget or get overwhelmed. She kept hugging me and we kept thanking God for this beautiful exchange. It's amazing the kind of connection that happens when two souls share a moment where the Holy Spirit breaks in. I know that something really special is going to come out of this relationship; I already feel we are going to be close sisters in Christ. She said she wanted to worship beside me and said she was going to come to church on Sunday, and that she wanted to be here [at Flippin' Fridays] helping.

WOWWWWW!!! ISN'T GOD INCREDIBLE?!!

He loves to display His character through us, especially when we are weak and feeling inadequate, as I was that evening. I am so honored that God would choose to work through me and show His love through me to call one of His lost sheep home. I have never experienced such a divine encounter with another person as I did tonight. 

I am so undone by the love of God! 

He leaves the flock to go after the one. We started out the night with an hour of prayer and had a song called "Relentless Pursuit" by Kim Walker-Smith playing in the background. The lyrics kept going through my mind and heart as this encounter with Liz was happening: "It's a relentless pursuit, a passionate pursuit; I will not stop chasing after you, the love of My life." 

He relentlessly pursues hearts. His love chases us down, again and again, in the fiercest yet most tender way. I saw that tonight: Liz came in feeling abandoned and hurt by God, and she left feeling filled with the presence of God. And for that, my friends, I will gladly face and EMBRACE the awkward, the uncomfortable, the strange, and the wonderful of Friday nights. 

P.s. She never did end up eating that veggie dog!

Cage-less Bird: An Allegory

A cage that has been locked for so long. Inside, a bird sits. Some days it tries to spread its wings and flap its way out, in desperation. Other days, it has not the energy or motivation to stir. Some days it has hope of one day being set free. Other days it believes it is destined to an enclosed life, knowing only the confinement of its cage.
Though it may try with all its strength to free itself from the cage, it cannot.
It needs intervention.
It needs someone to come and unlock the cage.
One day it comes to the end of itself, and calls out, as a final act of desperation. It wonders whether anyone can hear its cries. It begins with a faltering, tentative whimper and continues, the cries becoming stronger and louder. The bird knows that freedom is imminent, and it yearns for it. It longs to be able to open its wings without feeling the constricting bars of its cage. It longs to fly again. But oh, it has been so long. It's forgotten what it feels like to fly. It's forgotten how to fly.
Then, suddenly, it knows not how, but it perceives that today must be the day.
The day where it will finally be set free.
After a lifetime of confinement, it will finally see a different world from the one it's always known.
With much fear and trepidation of the unknown journey it is about to embark on, it reaches out.
At just the right time, and in just the right way, hands appear and cradle the lock, possessing the key that will unlock the cage.
Though longing for this moment for a lifetime, the bird hesitates and feels overcome by fear of the new thing that is unfolding. Everything it has ever known - life inside the cage - is about to change.
Its fears soon dissipate, however, the moment the door is flung open.
A fresh wind blows through its wings and it can finally see the beauty that has always surrounded it, but which it has never known. The wind carries fragrant promise and overwhelming hope.
The bird, overcome, slowly stretches out its little wings, which have been cramped for so long, and flaps them a few times, feeling strength returning and relief flooding its frame.
It feels like a baby bird again, having to relearn how to use its wings. It takes a few tries before it can fly without crashing to the ground. Soon, though, it flies high, catching the currents of air and soaring in the breeze. This is its song:

"I'm soaring with You now;

I'm flying on Your wings.

We're going past the clouds; 

I'm seeing what You see."

The Awakening

I wrote this a while ago, during a very long plane ride, but felt like it was fitting to post now:

"On a 14-hour plane ride where one cannot sleep much, there is an abundance of time to simply sit (well, you have nowhere else to go!) and meditate. It's one of my favorite things to do. I love just thinking about anything and everything, and dreaming about life. I decided to fill my ears with some cello sonatas: sure to be conducive to some "deeper" thinking. Most people don't know the lifelong dream I've had to learn the cello. There's something about it that absolutely connects my heart to the eternal, something that stirs the deep waters of my soul. Follow my train of thought for a moment: cello dreams reminded me of a poem I composed for a poetry class I took a couple of years ago. It was full of flowery and musical words and imagery describing how cello music affects me. Then that led me to think of writing in general. I have a blog that has been sitting untouched for quite some time. I was reminded of how enjoyable I find writing and how crafting words into something beautiful is a joy. So this is another attempt, another stab at reviving the writer within me. I know that writing is something that I want to be cultivating and growing in, so I want to try and set aside some time each week to write - something, anything! It doesn't have to be long. I just know that I want to grow in the gifts that God has given me and be a good steward of them." 

The poem I wrote is applicable to this theme of "reviving the writer within me," so I thought I would share:

The Awakening

Warm tones    that woo the soul

Rise from the rifts    of the rejected cello

Now caressed    with new hands.

Riveting strains    resound when released

From the strings stretched    over a shell:

An ode to joy    and all its oddities—

Of beauty found    in the broken and battered.

The carved wood    of the cello rejoices

As the bow graces    its strings again.

Here's to being inspired to write again! :)

Beauty: More Than Skin Deep

It's time to write again. It's been almost a year since I've published anything on here. I've had ideas rolling around in my head for a while and I've wanted to sit and down and write for so long but life has got in the way and this has been put on the back burner. I don't know if anyone actually reads what I post, and, in all actuality, I don't really care. This is just an outlet for the humble writings of a "burning heart," and I'm just letting you 'listen' in. 

I recently watched this video titled "Real Beauty Sketches" that Dove released. You might have seen it going around Facebook. It's gone viral, which is awesome. I love Dove's "Real Beauty Campaign" and the ideas behind it. The world, especially the females of the world, need more of that! If you haven't watched this video, go and watch it now! 

Basically, it very cleverly and artistically makes a point about how us women perceive ourselves and our beauty. We're often much, much harder on ourselves and our flaws than others ever are. We get acquainted with our flaws, up close and personal, believing them to literally be "larger than life": the pimple that covers the forehead, the huge bags under the eyes, the dreaded facial hair that everyone must see and must be noticing all the time. 

It's crazy, and yet it's so true.

I watched another video that Dove released that first showed women being asked what thing they would change about their body. When asked this question, most women responded almost immediately and usually gave more than one thing or simply said, "Everything!" When the same women were asked what feature they love about themselves, it took them much, much longer to answer. Some didn't have an answer.
Working in retail, I hear a ton of "Does this make me look fat?" and "I really don't like my fat *insert body part/area*! I can't wear that!"
It is so poisonous and it grieves my heart!

I've walked down this path, and while it is still something that I struggle with, it is an area that I have gotten much freedom in! I used to hate what I saw when I looked in the mirror. All I saw was fat hanging off of my body when I was actually a really lanky, skin-and-bones teenager. I used to walk slouched over because I hated how my height made me tower over everybody else. I hated my makeup-less face that would expose my blotchy, pimply face to the world. I am so thankful to say that I have come a looooong way since the completely-insecure-teenaged phase.
It hasn't been an instant transformation; it's been a process. And a long, hard one at that!
 But I can stand tall with confidence, knowing that I am absolutely beautiful, inside AND out.
And if God did it for me, then He can most certainly do it for you, too!

Yes, there are days where I feel anything but beautiful and yes, there are days where I feel like staying inside all day and not showing my face to the world, but you know what? Those are just feelings. Our emotions and our feelings aren't always true - in fact, they lie A LOT.
I've struggled with this, no, I am still struggling with this battle of calling your emotions into line with the truth. It's a daily struggle and there's a decision to be made every day: Am I going to believe what I know is true about me, or am I going to believe my feelings?
And how do you know the truth? Spend time with the One who is Truth - Jesus. He's got some good things to say about you to you! Spend time in His Word that is Truth:

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. He knows every part of you and loves all of it - Psalm 139:14
You enthrall the King with your beauty - Psalm 45:11
You have flawless beauty - Song of Solomon 4:7
When He made you, He said that you were VERY good :) - Genesis 2
You are dressed in robes of righteousness - Isaiah 61:10
He calls you His own - 1 John 3:1

There's so much more to what He thinks about you - His thoughts towards you are more than the grains of sand! (Psalm 139:18) May you be blessed as you learn to walk in His truth and as you let His thoughts define you.

P.s. I don't think it's vain to love the way that you look or to love a certain feature of yours. In fact, I think we should love ourselves and praise the way that God made us! Sometimes, you just gotta look in that mirror, look yourself in the eye, and say, "Gurrrllll, you look good!" Say it until you believe it!