He knows me and He loves me

So I realize it's been close to a year since I last wrote on here...and I've decided to (hopefully) revive this blog of mine! I decided it needed a makeover so I totally redid the design. It's a lot more "me" now!

Lots of things have changed since a year ago. It's been one big adventure! I apologize for not writing more during DTS! DTS literally took me halfway around the world, from Hawaii back to the Middle East. Yes, I went back! I did not see that coming, but God has His ways, and they are so much higher and better than mine! Outreach was a whole lot of growing, stretching, crying, and laughing. I went with a team of 8 other amazing people. We became like family as we lived, ate, loved, and worked together 24-7. We saw God work miracles in our hearts and others. We saw Him heal people physically and emotionally. We experienced the availability of His presence as we went about our days. We continually encouraged and poured into each other. You should know, though, that IT WAS MESSY! But that's the beauty of it. God took a bunch of broken yet willing people who did not have everything together, and yet still worked through us to make something beautiful.
He uses weak and broken vessels to show His glory through. 
So that was outreach in a very small nutshell.

Two and a half hard, broken, and lonely months post-DTS began to unfold. Being reunited with my family was wonderful, and getting to spend time with extended family was great, buuuuut it was lonely. To be frank, it sucked. I began to wonder and doubt if what God had done in my heart during DTS was legitimate. After being surrounded by hundreds of fiery, Jesus-loving young people, and after spending three months with my outreach family, I went back to nothing. I didn't really have any friends in the areas where we stayed for the summer. It wasn't like I was going "home" either as I really didn't see North America as my home. I felt like I was stuck in limbo a lot of the time, pretty much still living out of a suitcase. I was ready to settle and put down some roots somewhere! I had a huge struggle during DTS over what to do after and whether or not university was for me. I really just wanted God to let me loose in the world, so that I could jump right in and partner with His heart for the nations. I thought I was ready, but, looking back, I don't think I was - a lot of refining needed to happen first! So, I decided to take the plunge and go back to school. I had applied to a small school in a city that I had never heard of before. I don't really know how it all happened, but all I can say to explain it was that it was God!

So here I am, in Brantford, Ontario, sitting in my room in university residence, learning about Plato and Kant, human rights, and leadership, and falling more in love with Jesus. I still marvel at how God brought me here! To think that a year ago, I was in Kona under the palm trees, not having a CLUE of where I'd be later that year, and look where I am now! I have to tell you, it's like God set this all up just for me (funny thing...)! Who knew that there would be a small community of passionate worshipers who want to see God transform their city through kindness? Who knew that relationships could grow deep so fast after only five months? Who knew that I'd have an abundance of lifelong friends and an incredible sisterhood already? Who knew that there would be other people like me in such a random place? Who knew that Brantford would be the best place in the whole world for me to be and grow right now? Who knew, who knew, who knew?!
God knew. He knows. He knows ME and He LOVES me! 

Aloha from Kona, Hawaii!

Wow . . . it's so hard to believe that only about a week and a half ago I was back home in the Emirates. This has been the longest week and a half ever.
More than ever I feel that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be and exactly where God has brought me. I love the wide and spacious place He has brought me into (Psalm 18)! I cannot help but proclaim the goodness of God over and over again as I sit here surrounded by such beauty: coconut trees swaying slightly in the breeze, fluffy off-white clouds hanging low in the sky, and a blue, blue sky.
This is the perfect place for God to romance your heart. You cannot help but fall more madly in love with the Creator after seeing the expressions of His creativity and beauty in the nature here. And that's exactly what's happening to me here: I'm falling more in love with Jesus every single day.

I struggle to put into words what all has happened so far. When I look at the person I was before I came here and the person I am now, I can confidently say that I am not the same person I was. God has already covered so much ground and given me freedom in so many areas and we're only two weeks into the three months that I'll be here! They say that these three months of teaching will be like seven years of church teaching. Talk about majorly compressed!
From the first day, everyone, including the leaders, knew that God was going to go to new places with this Fire & Fragrance school that previous schools had never gone before. Andy Byrd (who was teaching day 1 and the rest of the first week) got to the first point of his notes which was to ask for the spirit of wisdom and revelation from Ephesians when the Holy Spirit's agenda took over. We spent the next two hours or so crying, singing in the spirit, and contending for God to break in with His freedom specifically in areas of unbelief, shame, and self-hatred in our lives.
It was intense.
We realized that God had answered our prayers of asking for the spirit of wisdom and revelation right then and there. When that very Spirit comes in, everything that's not of God (like our shame, self-hatred, unbelief, etc.) squirms, disliking being exposed.
The rest of the week was focused on laying the right foundation: the foundation of the love of God. Our cracked and weak foundation of us trying and striving to love God rightly must be replaced with the foundation of His love for us. It's all about Him. Jesus needs to be put back in His rightful place in the gospel at the center of it all and we need to learn to simply receive that love which He has lavished on us. It's not about us loving Him, but it's about Him loving us. We love because He first loved us. God's love has wrecked me this week. He has given me fresh revelation on exactly how much He really loves me. Zephaniah 3:17 is something very special that I absolutely must share with you. It says this:      

The LORD your God is with you, 

   the Mighty Warrior who saves. 

He will take great delight in you; 

   in his love he will no longer rebuke you, 

   but will rejoice over you with singing.

Andy broke it down into something quite spectacular. The Hebrew words (or something like that) for "rejoice" and "singing" mean two completely different concepts than we'd usually think or associate with those two particular words. To rejoice means to spin around with wild emotion and to sing means to scream with a shrill voice at the top of your lungs. 

Picture God rejoicing and singing over you like that and I can guarantee that you will get so wrecked by His love. He's wild about you! He's crazy with emotion over you! His heart is RAVISHED by just one glance of your eyes. 

Jonathan David Helser, an incredible prophetic worship leader who's with us this week, has this song that puts it perfectly. It goes like this:

You are an endless ocean, a bottomless sea...

There's no end to the affection that you have for me

The ocean of His love for us is so vast, so limitless that we'll still be swimming in it for all of eternity and still we will not find any shore or any bottom. I'm letting that love come and change who I think I am. God is redefining the way that I look at myself. He is releasing me into the fullness of what it means to be a daughter of the King of Kings. He is giving my rightful authority because of how He has seated me in heavenly places. I am a co-heir with Christ! He is restoring my dignity and royalty. He is showing me who I really am. He is giving me freedom to walk that out.

I am my Beloved's. 

I am my Beloved's. 

I am my Beloved's.

It's who I am and who I will forever be. 

That's just a little taste of what God's been speaking over me this past week and a half. So much has happened, and yet I still want more. Who knows what these next weeks will hold? 

Thank you so much for running with me on this journey God is taking me on! May you be rocked by a fresh revelation of how much the Father loves you. 

New Beginnings

So, I've decided to start a blog. Yes. I've been thinking of doing one for a while now but I'm actually doing it now! It's something new to start off the year of 2011, except it's not a New Year's resolution, because those always seem to fail and I actually want to regularly write here!
I have always loved to write! And now, I'm letting you in on it. I'm taking you on my journey. You see, very soon, I will be "flying from the family nest" to face the world on my own. 
Brace yourselves! 


For those of you who don't know, I am headed off to Kona, Hawaii to do a six-month Discipleship Training School (DTS) with Youth With A Mission (YWAM) called Fire and Fragrance (see www.fireandfragrance.com for more info). I AM SO EXCITED! 
Soon, everything I have ever known will be completely turned upside down, 360°. 
I'm such a mix of emotions right now as I think about the fact that I will be in Hawaii five days from now. Five days. 
I am almost jumping up and down with anticipation and excitement for the adventure that awaits me, but, at the same time, not enjoying (to say the least) having to say good-byes to all the amazing people here and leaving the comfortable place I've grown up in that I'm used to. I guess it's the unknown that gets me. It's taking risks that both excites and instills fear in me. I think I'm ready to take it though--ready or not, here it comes! 
This has been (and will continue to be, I'm sure) such a leap of faith for me. I feel like stepping on the plane will be like stepping off the edge of a cliff into the arms of my Father, believing He'll catch me. There are so many questions swirling 'round my head these days, but I just have to keep reminding myself to be like a child - fully trusting, fully knowing. My Daddy's so good. 
God continues to prove Himself faithful and so good time and time again. 

ALL the money that I'll need for the school--three months of teaching and three months of outreach--has come in AND MORE. That's like $10,000 altogether!!! It's been mind-blowing to see how God has provided and continues to provide. It's been such an encouragement to see how He takes my little mustard seed of faith and works with the little I have. 

I'm excited to see what this year holds! Lots of changes await, and adventure lies ahead!